Family and friends have been at it for the last 10 years, trying with all their might and creativity to marry me off. (If that’s not passion, I don’t know what is.) More, actually, if you think about it. I’ve been paired off and set up with all kinds of men—white, black, brown, young, old, shy, loud, sporty, sissy, manly, boring, interesting, cute, smart, thin, big, short, tall . . . name it.
Everyone (most especially my Mom) has just about tried every single tactic to marry me off. And if romance didn’t bloom to warrant a marriage proposal, why not try another route to marriage, they probably thought. So . . .
One time, my life mentor/friend, Liza D., called me aside and, in excited tones, said, “My sister knows this man in the U.S. He’s looking for someone to marry.” She paused for effect, looked at me with a hint of both mischief and hesitation and waited for some reaction.
I kept still, just looking at her and thinking to myself, “Go on, I’m listening. This should be interesting.”
“But . . . it’s a marriage for convenience . . . for a Green Card,” she made clear (she knew my mom would have looooved for me to live in the US, married of course).
I still kept quiet, wondering if a Green Card really IS green.
She continued: “A small fee would be given after the wedding. And the full amount after the Green Card is issued.”
I continued to just listen and stare, allowing her to finish.
“You’d have to live together, of course. BUT . . .” she said in a reassuring tone, “But, there’d be no hanky panky, I tell you.”
This time I reacted, appropriately so: “HUWAAT? NO HANKY PANKY? NOOO HANKY PANKY?
MAGBABAYAD NA NGA AKO NG MALAKI, NO HANKY PANKY PA? DI NA LANG NOH!!!”
So . . . there goes another failed attempt to put equilibrium into my so-called unbalanced life (and here I thought it was only my diet and state of mind that were unbalanced).
Care for another attempt, anyone?